Saving Grace Read online

She nodded her head, feeling the painful pull and wondering if she should’ve waited for him to do it for her.

  “I’m going to leave this time, with just my friendly warning. Next time I won’t be so nice, pretty girl.”

  She felt something warm and wet on her ear. His tongue. She squeezed her eyes shut.

  “Good girl. You keep those eyes closed. I’ll be watching you from outside for one minute. If you move or open your eyes, I’ll have to come back in here and pick up where we left off. Got it?”

  He yanked her head up and down. She kept her eyes closed. She heard him moving behind her, then the pressure on her head gave way. She had to force herself to keep her eyes shut.

  The door clicked open behind her. “I can’t hear you.”

  Singing. She was supposed to be singing. She scrambled for the words. “All around the cobbler’s bench, the monkey chased the weasel. The monkey thought ’twas all in fun, Pop—goes the weasel.”

  “I’ll be watching you.”

  She kept singing, her eyes closed. She struggled to hear something. Was he still standing there? She couldn’t take the chance. “Johnny’s got the whooping cough, and Marys got the measles. That’s the way the money goes, Pop—goes the weasel.”

  Natalie watched Sheriff Whitco walk out the centers door, followed by Hanna’s husband, Micah.

  Hanna was propped on the desk, eyeing Natalie carefully. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

  Natalie nodded and drew a shaky breath.

  “I’ll go call Mom again. She was a little frantic when I called before.” Hanna went into Natalie’s office, and she could hear Hanna punching in the phone number.

  Natalie leaned back against her padded chair and closed her eyes, relaxing for the first time in what seemed like hours. She glanced at her watch. Had it really only been a little over an hour ago since she’d walked out into the night?

  Those terrifying moments played out in her mind. When he’d grabbed her hair and jerked her head back, she’d thought he was going to kill her. She didn’t know why, but she could feel death’s cold fingers reaching out to grab her.

  She wasn’t sure how long she’d sat, elbows in the air, eyes shut, singing that stupid song. But when she opened her eyes, he was gone. She’d been too terrified to get out of the car. She’d pulled the back door closed, pressed the lock button, and dialed 9-1-1 on her cell phone. Then she’d called her sister.

  “Mom’s worried about you,” Hanna said, drawing her back to the present.

  Natalie hadn’t even heard Hanna talking on the phone, hadn’t heard her enter the room. “I’m OK,” Natalie said.

  “Sure you are. That’s why you’re white as a sheet.”

  “Are the boys all right?”

  “All tucked in bed. They don’t know anything. Mom just told them you stayed late at work.”

  Trying to recover some sense of normalcy, Natalie shuffled some papers on the desk and put the stapler in the drawer. When Sheriff Whitco had arrived on the scene, Natalie had still been locked in the car. He’d escorted her into the center, where he’d questioned her about the attacker. Hanna and Micah had arrived during the questioning.

  “Who do you think it was?” Hanna asked.

  Natalie shrugged. “You heard what I told Sheriff Whitco. I work with a lot of clients. It could be any number of angry boyfriends or fathers.”

  “Or it could be political. There are organizations that don’t like what you’re doing here one bit.”

  “Tough luck.” Natalie drew the blinds beside her desk. She knew there were plenty of people who saw the Hope Center as anti-women. But, for heaven’s sake, she was trying to help women, not hurt them.

  “Ah, I see you’ve got your spunk back.” Her sister’s voice held amusement.

  Spunk. She’d had no spunk in the car earlier. Her head had been trapped against the headrest while some psycho worked her like a marionette. The helplessness she’d felt hit her full force for the first time. She sank into her chair and buried her face in her hands. A sob tried to work its way out, but she forced it back. Instead, it lodged like a brick in her throat. She felt Hanna’s hand on her shoulder.

  “Want to talk about it?” Hanna asked.

  If anyone would understand, it would be Hanna. She’d experienced the terror of being held against her will when she’d been raped years ago. But Natalie didn’t want to talk about it. She just wanted to forget. She dragged her hands through her hair. Her scalp was tender. For the first time, she realized she had a throbbing headache.

  “It must have been very scary,” Hanna said.

  It was. Too scary to think about right now. She felt a sudden longing to be home with her boys, watching them sleep in their beds. “I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to go home.”

  “You’ll need to talk about it soon. It’s not good to brush over it as if it never happened.”

  Natalie stood abruptly and pushed the chair under the desk. “I just spent an hour talking about it, Hanna.”

  “I’m not talking about filing a complaint.”

  Her sister meant well, but Natalie could almost feel her nerves coming undone. She grabbed her purse off the filing cabinet and rooted for her ibuprofen. When she’d emptied two into her hand, she turned to see Hanna holding a paper cup filled with water. “Thanks.’ She gulped down the pills.

  “I’m worried about you, Nat. Maybe you shouldn’t work at night anymore.” Hanna stood by the glass entryway. “Look at this piddly lock. It’s just a thumb-turn, and with all this glass around it, someone would just have to break it.”

  “I’ll be more careful.”

  “You should get a security system.”

  Natalie huffed. “The center can hardly afford that.”

  “Then stop working at night.”

  “And when are the parenting classes supposed to meet? Most of these girls work during the day.” She threw her purse over her shoulder at the same time Hanna’s husband walked through the door.

  He stopped with the door still propped open, his gaze bouncing between the sisters. “Everything OK?”

  “Fine.” Natalie made her way toward the door, and they walked out into the summer night. She walked beside Micah, feeling reassured by his presence. “What did the sheriff say?”

  “They don’t have much to go on, really. But I’m sure they’ll work on it. If you remember anything else, call them. Even if it seems insignificant.”

  “I will.” They reached her Suburban, and Micah opened the door for her.

  “We’ll follow you home,” he said.

  She almost refused. She didn’t want to be mollycoddled. She was a grown woman. But sinking into her seat behind the wheel, she could still smell him. Cigarettes and cinnamon. She choked back her refusal and nodded her head.

  She made eye contact with Hanna. “Thanks for coming.” She was starting to feel bad about being short with her sister.

  Hanna nodded, and in a few minutes, they were driving down the deserted street. The headlights behind her offered a big measure of relief, but Natalie couldn’t erase the memory of being attacked.

  She suddenly remembered something she’d forgotten about before. Something she hadn’t told Sheriff Whitco. You’re going to start telling the truth now, aren’t you? Bad things happen when you tell lies.

  If he was talking about the things she told girls, about the viability of unborn babies, then she was still in danger. She couldn’t stop telling girls the truth.

  Bad things happen when you tell lies.

  Natalie depressed the lock button as fear sucked the moisture from her mouth.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Linn held the Hope Center card in her hands for the umpteenth time in the past three days since she’d fled the Women’s Health Clinic. The woman behind the desk had called out to her, but she’d kept walking as fast as she could. She ended up by a gas station, where the pay phone seemed to be calling her name.

  Miss C’s name immediately flashed in her mind. But you
don’t know the phone number.

  She walked toward the payphone anyway. Like magic, the phone book lay nestled in the cubby beneath the phone. With legs shaking and a mind gone numb from confusion, she found the number, picked up the phone, and dialed. But Miss C hadn’t been there. The woman on the phone sounded nice enough, but she was a stranger. What could she do now?

  Linn reached over to her bedside radio and turned down the volume. Should she call back? She flipped the card back and forth over her fingers. Why couldn’t she make up her mind? On the one hand, it seemed so simple. She was alone and pregnant. She didn’t want a baby. She had a scholarship in the fall that she would lose if she took the year off from school. She wanted to get on with her life. Having a baby right now would just be the worst.

  But then she remembered everything Miss C had said. Remembered the charts on the wall that showed what was inside her right now. Could they be right? Why did the school counselor tell her it was just a blob of tissue? How come one group says one thing, and another group says something else?

  Why did she get herself into this mess to begin with? She smacked her pillow and flung back against it. What had she ever seen in him anyway? He’d lied to her just like her dad did.

  She laid a hand on her flat belly. Was it possible that what was growing in her had a heartbeat? Didn’t that make it a living thing?

  She held up the card again and ran a finger over the words. Miss C was practically a stranger, and yet, there had been something in her eyes. Like she really cared about what happened to her. Without giving herself any more time to think, Linn sat up, picked up the phone, and punched in the numbers.

  A few minutes later a woman’s voice came across the line. “Jackson Hole Hope Center, Janet speaking, may I help you?”

  “Uh, yes, is Miss C there?”

  “One moment please.”

  Linn drew a deep breath and let it out. Miss C must be there this time. She didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed.

  “Miss C speaking.”

  She finally had the woman on the phone, but suddenly her mind went blank. Her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth like it was glued there. Maybe she should just hang up. Her hand moved.

  “Hello? Can I help you?”

  Linn brought the phone back to her ear. “It’s me.” Dummy. Like shed know your voice. “Linn.”

  “Linn! Oh, I’m so glad you’ve called.”

  Linn could hear the smile in her voice.

  “Are you all right? I’m so sorry I missed your call the other day.”

  “I’m OK. I guess.”

  “What can I do for you, Linn?”

  Now, there was a question. She wished she could just turn time back a few months so she could make a better decision. She sighed. “I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do.”

  “Tell me what you’re confused about.”

  “This—this pregnancy! All my life I’ve been told a pregnancy is just a bunch of cells in the beginning. That’s what that group that comes to my school said. That’s what my high-school counselor said. And I came so close to getting rid of it.” Her eyes stung, and she pressed her fingers against them. “And now I wish I’d just done it and got it over with.”

  “Oh, Linn. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this. I know it’s not easy. And it can be confusing when you don’t know the facts.”

  “That’s just it. Some people tell me one thing, and you’ve been telling me something else. What am I supposed to believe?”

  “I see your point. And I know you’re a smart young lady who wants to make an informed decision. I’ll tell you what. Do you know what an ultrasound is?”

  “Sure, it can see inside your body. My mom had one when she had gallstones.”

  “Right. Well, the center has an ultrasound machine that can look inside your uterus and give us a picture of your baby. It’ll be kind of grainy, but it will show you that the heart is beating. Can I set up a time for you to come in?”

  Just the thought of seeing the heart beating sent a shiver of fear up her spine. Maybe she didn’t want to see it.

  “Linn, is that all right?”

  “Who would do it?”

  “The ultrasound? That would be me. I used to be an obstetrics nurse at the hospital, and I’ve had special training on the machine. I’m the only one at the center who’s allowed to use it.”

  “How much does it cost?”

  “Nothing.”

  Miss C went on to describe the center’s nonprofit status, but Linn’s mind was spinning. She had to know the truth about what was inside of her. How could she make an intelligent decision without knowing? When Miss C stopped talking, Linn closed her eyes and did it.

  “Count me in, I guess.”

  Natalie had no sooner knocked on the bevel-leaded front door than it swung open.

  “Nat. Come on in.” Paula moved aside.

  Natalie brushed past her sister, noting her elegant pantsuit and glancing down at her own khakis and V-necked T-shirt. “I thought you said casual. Never mind. I guess that is casual for you.”

  Paula swooped past her, leading the way to the kitchen. “Mom have the boys?”

  “Um-hmm.” The house looked even more lovely than normal, its open space lighted dimly. When they passed through the dining room, Natalie noted the candles flickering on the table.

  “What’s for dinner? Can I help?” The huge kitchen featured a large island in the center with a black Corian countertop so smooth and shiny you could see your reflection in it.

  “We’re having a warm parsnip salad with carrots in an orange vinaigrette and roast duck with pecan stuffing. Can you toss the salad?”

  “OK, what’s up?”

  “What do you mean?” Paula flipped on the oven light and peeked in.

  “You only do gourmet when you’re stressed.”

  “Can’t a woman fix a fabulous meal for her family without questions?”

  Natalie let it slide, but she was convinced something was nagging her sister. “Where’s David?”

  “He’s around here somewhere. Probably picking out a CD.”

  Just then a jazz instrumental piece began flowing through the intercom speakers.

  The sisters exchanged smiles. “What did I tell you?” Paula said.

  The doorbell rang, and Paula, slipping the roasted duck platter from the oven, spared Natalie a glance. “Can you get that?”

  “Sure.” It would be Hanna and Micah, and Natalie was eager to tell Hanna that Linn had called the center. Though she couldn’t share names with people outside the center, she did confide generalities to Hanna sometimes.

  Her steps thudded across the marble foyer. She reached for the handle and pulled open the door, ready to greet her sister.

  A man stood under the porch light. A man bearing a small bouquet of flowers. Natalie had seen him around town a time or two, but they’d never spoken.

  “Can I help you?” She thought he must be at the wrong house.

  “Is this Paula’s house? Paula Landin-Cohen?” His eyebrows raised with the question, widening his grayish-green eyes.

  “Yes.” She still couldn’t figure out what this man was doing standing on her sister’s doorstep. Her married sister’s doorstep, with flowers in his hand.

  “She invited me.”

  His smile won him a few points, but she wasn’t sure in what game.

  It took a minute for her to break away from his enigmatic face. For his meaning to register. “For dinner? Oh. Oh, I’m so sorry, come in.”

  He stepped through the door and extended his hand. “I’m Kyle.”

  “Oh, sorry, I’m Natalie. Paula’s sister.” His hand was smooth and warm, just like his voice.

  As she led him through the dining room, suspicious thoughts of another kind began to form. She remembered her comment to Paula about being a third wheel. Oh no. She didn’t. And Paula had sent her to answer the door on purpose. I’m going to smack that girl.

  “Kyle.” Paula’
s lips widened in a disgustingly perfect smile. “I see you’ve met Natalie.”

  Kyle held the flowers out to Paula. “Thank you for inviting me. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a home-cooked meal.”

  Paula took the flowers. “They’re lovely. I have just the vase.” She pulled a crystal vase from the cabinet and handed both to Natalie. “Will you arrange these for me?”

  “Sure.” Natalie was glad to turn her back to Kyle and Paula. She forced herself not to take it out on the flowers. They were lovely.

  Just then, David entered the room. His dress slacks and tie made Natalie glad for the Dockers and polo Kyle was wearing. Not that she’d noticed.

  David greeted Natalie and Kyle, then Paula explained that Kyle was an attorney who specialized in adoptions. “I interviewed him last week. Did you catch that one, Nat?”

  She usually watched her sister’s nightly news when she was home. “No, I’m afraid I missed it.”

  The vase was full of water, and the flowers were arranged, but she continued to move the stems around. The long night ahead stretched out in her mind like the Snake River. Maybe things would feel less awkward when Hanna and Micah arrived.

  “All right, I think everything’s ready. Kyle, you and David go ahead and have a seat at the table, and Nat and I will bring the food in.”

  The men filed into the other room, talking shop. Natalie turned to Paula and huffed. “Why did you do that?”

  “Do what?” The sultry coyness in her voice only made Nat more angry.

  “You know very well what,” she whispered. “This is a blind date if I ever saw one, and one of us didn’t even know about it.”

  Paula set a serving fork on the duck platter. “Relax. It’s not a blind date.”

  Natalie narrowed her eyes, wondering if it was true.

  “Look, he just seemed so nice at the station. Kind of like a lost puppy dog. Then I remembered what you said about being a third wheel and—”

  “Where’s Hanna and Micah?”

  “Oh, they couldn’t come. Some function at church for young marrieds.”

  Natalie’s spirits sagged like a punctured tire. Now it would be really awkward. Kyle probably thought she was desperate. Too desperate to get her own date. Well, she wasn’t desperate. And he wasn’t her date.